Falling... falling... fall...

against the best of my efforts to remain sane and in control... i think i'm falling
if i can be honest, i hate this feeling
i feel so vulnerable n so afraid
it's not supposed to b so fast!
it's all supposed to b happening according to my defined timing n sequence
everything feels like it's spinning out of control
what hope of happily ever after could possibly come out of 3 miserable weeks?
i m so afraid...
so afraid of being hurt and abandoned...
so afraid of crying in the dark
so afraid that the beautiful memories i have now wil soon become painful ones i force myself to forget
so afraid i eventually have to again feel knives going thru my heart when i have to delete pictures from my computer that we took together
fear grips my heart
at such a time when i shd b rejoicing n basking in sweet surrender to bliss
my heart is gripped with crippling fear...

i am so so scared